The End

I've been wondering a lot lately,
If we'd still be together if I'd stayed on my meds.
I should have doubled the dosage
But I wanted so badly to feel.
I thought I was stronger,
I could handle the change.
But instead I withered
And drove you away.

Glenn

I used to get my best nights sleep in your arms.
But now it's like we're puzzle pieces, that were never meant to fit...

The Words I Never Got To Say

I really loved working with you.
And seeing you, every day.
And getting to know you.

Do you remember;
The time we played pool?
On the same team.

Do you remember;
The time we played pingpong?
You said how adorably uncoordinated I was.

Do you remember;
The time we played black jack?
Until sunrise, before we got asked to leave.

Do you remember the other games Jamie?
You played me since the first week we met.
But worse still, you played her too.

I think you're fun.
I think you're great.
I hope you don't think I was a mistake.

Waiting

I waited for Tom to wake up

I waited for Alistair to come back.

And now I'm waiting for Jamie

To find the confidence to leave her.

It's almost like I'm waiting

For a train that's running late.

It's almost like I'm waiting

For my life, what a mistake.

In the valley of the toxic females...

My first journey was when I was twelve or thirteen,

Dealing with abandonment issues from when

The ambulance carried mum away.

That was the first night I cried myself to sleep.

That's when #1 was my best friend.

Everyone wanted her to like them (I don't know why).

She just had that special something

But her glint

Soon turned to blade.

The valley was a lonely place with high cliff walls

And no escape.

Abandonment crept in again as I slowly

Started to rebuild, started to climb.

Six Months Later

"Your lips are like clouds," he said.

In that sexy fucking accent.

I always had a weakness for englishmen.

He thought we could win big,

And spend the night together.

But we didn't win at the tables,

And got politely escorted away.

We're still here, six months later.

He's still dating that girl.

I'm still mad about him.

Or just mad.

He likes me too.

I'm sure of it.

Doesn't he?

Doesn't

He

Alistair

You would have turned twenty five this week.
You would have been in America, still.
I would have been here.
I would have written you a message.
I would have tried to make it heartfelt.
I would have cried, writing it.
You would have asked me to Skype.
And I would have been awkward. But agreeable.
I would have told you how much I loved you.
I would have told you how much I missed you.
I hope.

It was your birthday on Monday.
I spent the day here, fighting back the tears.
Thinking about you.
Thinking about what could have been.
I think about you. Every day. Every night.
I fight back the tears.
Thinking, why did someone so good, have to die so young?
Thinking, why didn't I tell you how much I cared?
While you were still here. When you could have been mine.

You're in my heart. You're in my head.
And I'm trying to let go.
And I'm trying.